A very catchy statement but to be optimistic I would like to tweak it to “When you are there, There is another there” so that we look forward to be “There” (our new dream or desire). Humans are greedy and there is no way that after achieving what we want we would want to stop looking ahead and wanting new things and dreaming of new achievements. The only important thing that we forget when we are “there” is that we forget to enjoy the moment, the pleasure and to feel proud.

As I was talking to my aunt today, she said “couples must be more of friends and less of husband and wife and most of the couples are a mismatch because they can’t find good friend in each other.” I have often asked this question to myself, why are most couples a mismatch?  As I see couples in my daily life. An answer always comes to me saying every person is unique and every person has a different personality and every person has different needs and different expectations from each other. When people meet, they choose one another not based on the differences but based on similarities. I am not talking about people who are attracted to each other but people who get to know each other then they start liking each other they start to live together (marriage). Every thing looks happy and fine from outside. If we peek in and see what’s happening inside? Every relationship has one person who is not ready to compromise and one person who compromises at every point (my mom and dad). If this is the case we see a problem free happy relationship from outside but one always has things to complain about and be unhappy all the time. I have another personal example in my family where the couples liked each other, loved each other and got married later. They had similarities when they got married and one was ready to compromise on anything before marriage. Later, after marriage things changed and interests changed and neither of them want to compromise so everyone can see a turbulent and unhappy marriage.

The cycle goes on. I have a friend of mine who is in the initial stages of this cycle. I see a change in her personality coz she is trying to change herself to suit the qualities of the other person so that she is liked by him. As one says it is not who you like the most that matters but who likes you the most that matters. If it is both ways then do they follow the most essential etiquette in a relationship of being honest to each other, trusting and caring? If one defines friendship in terms of honesty, trust and care then what was said by my aunt was right. It is important that couples must find friends in each other. But is it not true that husband and wife in any religion or any tribe or any community are defined as a relationship with trust, care and honesty?” But I think couples who graduate from being good freinds can attempt a marraige. The challenge is to fullfill a friendship first. Being friends can be as simple but can get complicated when basic things are not taken care of (Trust, Honesty, care, fun). Marriage can be nothing but friendship with few extra obligations. So why do people have to look for friendship in a marriage when you know friendship is the strongest pillar of a marriage? (exclusiveness is something that is debatable in marraige)

So what’s my point? I don’t know, I am lost in the conversation. Assume what ever you want.

‘I don’t think you understand me’, ‘No one can understand me’, ‘you don’t know me’ and many more statements that we hear so often but all that they mean is ‘right now I have a fucked up feeling so don’t try to argue but just listen and nod’, people specially use these statements only to those who are close to them or to people who know them for a long time, could be among close friends, wife and husband, father and son and so on. The problem is that it is the person who is going thru a tough time i.e. ‘X’ who is not able to understand things and perceive reality but not the person listening to your problem i.e. ‘Y’. Y can give you a practical solution or probably a mix of what ‘X’ wants to hear and something that is real. But the person X already has a mindset and no matter what you say, he/she would only follow the mindset. Can Y understand the mindset X has? Yes, Inmost of the cases, but Y won’t say it out coz most of the emotional decisions or decision in a state of confusion are impractical. Y can actually say what X wants to hear but since Y is not going thru the tough feeling, Y is more open and practical to the problem and X is more conceited and emotional about the issue. So how is this problem solved? Well, situations like “you don’t understand me” are quite strong statements in a deep and meaningful relationships, Often Y can take such statements as an insult or disrespect for his contribution in a relationship. So if X is smart enough then it is better for him/her not to say so or if Y gets to hear something like that it is better for Y to ignore it, as the statement was made in a more stressful and disturbed state of mind. Is it necessary to confront once the situation is in control? Depends purely on, ‘is it worth it?’  So, what if there is no acknowledgement to all that you do in a relationship like taking care, help, and wake up calls.....it purely depends on your perception, a relationship sometimes means a lot to one person and a little less to the other, also the way you express your feeling to each other (one can do it easily and the other might not be free to do so due to his/her personality) so acknowledgement shouldn’t matter.

In search of peace and love ............. do they exist? If yes, where???  

OK, I have been away for a while coz there is not much going on in my mind nor I am critically thinking about issues or problems.  One of the recent issues is friendship and its meaning. “There is some self-interest behind every friendship. There is no friendship with out self-interest. This is bitter truth.” – Chanakya. I kept thinking and I am sure the so called “self-interest” is not much of emotional issues but more of material needs and help. So, does every friendship have self-interests behind it?  Yeah, may be and I am sure people can see what that interests are. Then why do we keep our eyes closed and pretend it to be just friends with out any 'self-interest'. Psychologically, it is just human to trust in someone blurring our far sight of a relationship but even the smartest would know things and would trust in 'friendship with self-interest'. But then friendship cannot be followed by some dictionary definition but rather what you could do to keep it alive, keep it going, or to end it when it crosses lines. It’s a lot more complicated to explain coz most of the issues might contradict with my statements but i know you get the gist of it.

But a closer definition to somewhat what people feel and follow is on wikipedia.com

Few years back I watched a movie and it had a very catchy line “Jitna Bhi karo, Sala  Kam Pad hi Jata hai” (How much ever you do, it always falls short). There is something going on that resembles the statement. Its weird, I always thought people complain because you don’t do enough but I see that it is not enough even if you do things to your maximum capacity. There is always a better person who out does you. Someone somewhere who is unseen, unknown and has the charm like god who is always thought of and who is always loved. Is that reason enough to back off? No, I will fulfill my duties as a person, as a friend and I won’t care if it falls short and I will do what I can do to my capacity coz I have nothing to loose but just to gain. I will be denial if I say I am loosing something coz I never possessed it. Rest with the “Flow”.