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December 08 Anxiety and Stupidity.I am restless; I have so much of anxiety in me that I am restless. I have been feeling like this for a couple of weeks now. I don’t know what it has to do with. I decided to sit and think so that I can find out what is bothering me so much. After my India trip, I was in debt and in just a couple of months I moved from Salem to Little Rock. So my finances were pretty messed up. But that was taken care of in the next 2 months. Later I got into debt again due to some important stuff I had to take care of. I called Vishnu for help as he owed me $5000. He promised me of money in August. The promises continued till October and only then I found out that he was just playing with me buying more time with false promises. He would borrow money from others and he spins a web of lies to buy more time till he clears it off. It’s just not with money but with promises. One of Vishnu’s biggest problems was false prestige. In a conversation he promises something on an exaggeration he just made up and struggles to fulfill it. This has been his habit from the time I knew him and I did not care because I had a similar friend in school, Vijay. Once I learnt about it I just gave up on the help he promised. Since then I have been laughed at by family and friends. Once there was a time when Subodh owed some money to Vishnu and Subodh never cleared his debt. So after a very long time of waiting on it Vishnu called Subodh’s father and informed him of his debt and collected the money. Should I be doing the same? I was so disgusted of false promises that I told him that I don’t want anything from and I don’t want to be in touch. Is it fair to let it go just because I was hurt that a very close friend of mine cheated me or am I just being stupid? Is it ok for him to have a job in India with enough salary to enjoy the money and plan of future business where as I am cutting back and struggling? I don’t know if I can tie my anxiety to financial stress because thinking about it makes me feel it’s just another 3-4 months of my spending cut backs and I should be alright but I think I have a bigger responsibility now, a sense of responsibility for care, love and protection that has gotten into me for somebody very close. October 24 Last few days.Let’s see what happened in the last few days.
1. Chandrayan Launched to Moon’s Orbit.
2. Palin spent $150K
3. Tendulkar reaches 12000 runs in cricket.
4. YuvvRaaj Music released.
5. $1 = Rs 50 once and I sent money home the same day.
6. Charan made it 156/1600 in a 10 mile marathon in Chicago. July 06 A Piece of Peace.I haven’t been blogging and there are many reasons to it. Not one of those reasons like I am lazy or I am busy with work. There is a need for me to filter and contain the content on this blog for various reasons that I cannot mention again.
The new work place is great; People I have met here are by far the best people I have worked with. They are understanding of situation and ready to help with things outside of work too. I get to hear from EDS/Saber guys once in a while when they need me or when I need them.
In the past couple of months my life has been like a never ending sine wave. I would not say that I enjoyed the ride or learnt something from it. Most of it has been social obligations, convincing people and overcoming relationship glitches. Honesty and Trust are two things that I am giving and if I can do that then anybody should be able to do that and that is something I am working on. Most of all I am learning to up my tolerance and accept things the way they are. Apart from my frequent travel to LA and a recent visit to Kansas to Ale’s sister city too many important things have happened. I am enjoying it but I want people who matter to me the most to stand next to me and cheer with me. I miss it. Ale had to evacuate her house for a day due to the wild fire. Wild things are happening with her and she is going thru some very turbulent times.
A piece of peace is very hard to earn and I am sure this is just a matter of time for me. I am learning from life that the concept of ‘happily ever after’ is just a theory yet to be proved. I have been spending my lone time watching TV or movies. As I have no friends in Little Rock too to hang out with it basically boils down to wait for Ale to come here on the weekends or for me to go there.
I watched Namesake yesterday and I cannot believe Kal Penn can act so well. Kamal’s Dasavatharam started off with so much of excitement with caste conflict in 12th century as I started to admire the script with high expectations and it just went down the hill with a very crappy plot of biochemicals. Another movie I really liked was Aamir, nice thriller. Wall-e will have to wait for me. ‘Wanted’ was a piece of trash. ‘Hancock’ didn’t excite me much. Iron man was ok. The incredible Hulk, nah. I re-visited Munich just for the heck of some good cinema. Step up2, great dances but same story line. Salman and Aamir’s Dus ka dum was entertaining. I am excited about Sing is King and God Tussi great ho. I abandoned love story 2050 after half an hour. Yet to watch Jaane tu ya Jaane na. De Thali was bad. Indiana Jones was loyal to the expectations. Jumper was good. ‘The happening’ was good but most of the sequences were too familiar. Well I can’t remember any other movie for now. I mean how many can you watch in a month.
I will remind everyone again about LHC, the large Hadron collider (particle accelerator). The wheels have started to turn and In august it will be fully functional and let see if it proves science or brings in new science. I am too excited for that. January 01 New year wishes!!I wish everyone a Happy New Year.
Its been almost more than a month since my last entry. Hopefully this time around I will stay longer scribbling.
I am sick, so this might not be a ideal start to the new year but I am expecting some very nice things to happen this year, something that will be remembered for a long time to come. November 25 Its Over already.Sooooooooooo
EDS acquired Saber. Apart from that I am off O&M team after a hectic 4 months of tickets and issues. Nonetheless we are finally to a point where the system is stable and looking good. Another mention of O&M teams effort in saber's news letter.
Finally I found a car Chrysler 300 M didn’t have any problems so far and I am being very careful after the recent accident.
I knew that a 4 day weekend will end sooner and time will run like as if it is in a marathon, it always does. Dinner at Farah’s place on Thanksgiving day, Walmart, best buys and grocery stores, One complete day to figure out how to install Yellow dog Linux on my Play station which I exchanged for a 80 gb version. So the 4 days long weekend ends. Not to mention about the most embarrassing dance I ever did at Farah’s on thanksgiving but I thoroughly enjoyed my time there. So I guess I need to go and get things ready for tomorrow.
Lesson to learn, never to watch a depressing movie like ‘blood diamond’ all alone by yourself. October 31 TotalityI got an official word from Gieco that my car is a “Total Loss” so they are going to pay me the market price of the car than to get my Mustang fixed. I have no idea what my car insurance will be and I don’t know how long it is going to take for me to get another car.
The only problem with the honest buck is that it is too hard to make.” So how hard is it to make more bucks for another car? Yes, I am disappointed. I guess accidents happen and not all accidents are pleasant.
A bright moment in this week was the time I switched on my 32” LCD HDTV flat that lit up my room and my face. “Some of the most successful relationships are based on lies and deceit”.
An honest answer is never appreciated because it is bitter, unpleasant and far away from expectations but a lie can please the most unethical sin to belief far away from reality.
As I was watching a movie “Into the wild”, a line comes up saying, “there is a Mexican mistress in every man’s life.” Well I should have accepted Lowell’s invitation to Tijuana. All right! its time for me to go back to my life of uncertainty. September 29 Scary StarsI wasn’t around for sometime as I was busy working and I had to work 3 consecutive Saturdays for Saber.
Long time ago, So long that I was in 5th grade in a boarding school just about 10 km from the town I was brought up. We used to have study hours during the night times to do some studies and all the students mandated to attend these hours. It used to be an open ground with few lights attached to poles here and there, bright enough for all of us to read from the books. Since this school was away from the town and a little isolated we used to have a lot of snakes around and if anyone remembers India is famous for cobras. One evening, Lights went off. There was no power anywhere in any of the nearby towns as well. Since we didn’t know the problem we were made to sit quite and everyone was hoping for the power to come back. As I recall when the lights went off I saw the most spectacular view of the sky ever till date. The picture is so etched in my mind not because I found it spectacular but because I was scared. I never saw so many stars in the sky before. I didn’t find an inch in the sky where there was no star. The sky was bight with all the stars and I felt like something is happening. It was astonishing and not to forget the fear of snakes. We were always told there are infinite numbers of stars in the sky but that day I saw a few of those infinite stars. I hated the time I spent on that ground sitting waiting for the power to come back as I was scared but today when I think of that with pitiable knowledge of stars, I can single that moment out as the most incredible sight I ever had of anything ever. In fact I didn’t realize it till few days back when I was doing a little reading on the theory of Unification by Einstein. May be I can never see that view again without the help of technology. My understanding on gravity, time, electro magnetism, strong and weak forces is miniscule but it gets so much more interesting with string theory. I cannot wait for the large hadron collider (LHC) to go on by May 2008. What is LHC? Check this out.
August 17 ParakeetsNow I have two parakeets at home.
We just brought the blue one first. It was named Chintu by me. We didn't get any kind of a response from it for the first couple of hours so we decided it should have a companion. We brought the green one later and named it Waseem by my uncle reason coz the green one is stupid. the most active of the two is Waseem and Chintu is really lazy. If we separate Chintu and Waseem, Chintu will just stay were it is and call for Waseem and Waseem has to struggle and find its way to Chintu otherwise it gets beaten up by Chintu. There always has to be a dominant one as always. It wont take more than a couple of minutes to start sympathizing with Waseem. he does so much for Chintu and yet he gets beaten up. As they say "Sala jithna bhi karo kam badhi jata hai" (its never enough), so true, You do so much for some people but it is never enough and you fall short.
few funny incidents:
July 20 They always complain--UghhPeople always complain that I don't say it or open up but when I am ready there is a "GTG" huh!! July 06 Furure, Girl Trings and SleepI am going to post multiple entries today since I have nothing to do at work. Yesterday I had lunch with the great man again. Every time I meet him I feel like I am on the cross roads and I feel like I need to take a decision right away but after meeting him things seem to be not so important and worrisome the way I thought they were. So after my reincarnation yesterday I had loads of things to explore. Last time I met him the issue was about a friend who wants to drive and inevitably crash in terms of life. This time it was about my career and my future plans. I learnt a lesson yesterday a very simple one that everyone knows about. It’s more of a remainder.
When a girl asks, Should I buy a novel or should I buy a turtle neck sweater? A guy generally gives his opinion, like mine was a turtle neck sweater since I am not a guy who would want to sit for hours and read a book. The answer come, yeah, I decided that I am going to buy a turtle neck sweater. So, if a girl has already decided on what she is gonna buy then why the hell do they ask us for our opinion. It’s a universal problem nothing new. Few words that would freak a girl out are FAT, OLD and any comment related to their appearance, good or bad. Hold on!! Nothing that I have mentioned here are words from god or some new inventions but are just the ways they are for ages.
Falling asleep during a conversation:
Yes, it so happened a couple of time that I fell asleep during a conversation. It’s just not me coz I know others who do that as well. There could be many reasons to it but I see the big one as being uninterested. Uninterested in the conversation and being held compulsively so that you are there just for the sake that you don’t let the other person over the phone think you are uninterested. There could be countless number of reasons that you don’t want to hurt them, tired, repetitiveness etc. A mistake happened the only way you can work over it is to apologize the next day. Yes, I love my sleep more than anything in this world but few exceptions. April 29 Phone Ain't working I slammed my phone on the floor and it doesn’t work any more. Don’t ask me why I did that but it is broken and I can’t make or receive calls. It does work once in a while if I kind of tweak it. But as I am writing this it isn’t working. I had a fight at home because I was constantly asked why I am moody and why I am not cheerful these days. It gets frustrating after sometime when people ask the same question repeatedly. So was the case with my friends. Everything is alright, it has nothing to do with work, it has not got to do with anything or anyone. Why can I not like silence and not talk for a while? I do understand the concern.
I am having some light moments. It’s nice to feel that someone wakes up in the morning and thinks of you and calls you immediately. I slept out side on a hammock and I found myself sun burnt. A little play in the water and I am back to my old boring life to wake up in the morning tomorrow and go to the office again. April 24 Anonymous package and a CheaterI received a package from India from a friend of Shreyas addressed to me. I don’t know the person who used my address with my out my knowledge and permission. I just took it instead of returning it coz of Shreyas. So, few days’ later Shreyas asks me to return the package back to India to a different address but not the address from where it actually came from. I asked him for an explanation for why my address was used. The story unfolds. The package was sent by a girl to his BF. The so called BF lied to her saying he lives in US and is doing his Master’s. For the past few months they chat online and he calls the girl over her mobile with a calling card bought from US so that the girl sees a US number on her mobile. He managed to convince her that he left to US after finishing his bachelors. (The girl knows the guy from college and they were going out since). It took a couple of weeks for the package to arrive to my address and the girl kept pestering the guy to read a note to her sent with the gift. No one had any Idea what was there inside the package. Shreyas opens the package and he finds a note, a T-Shirt and Sun glasses. He mails the content to the guy and supposedly the message was read to the girl. Now the girl started asking him to wear the T-shirt and Sunglasses and send a picture so that she feels good. The guy has to receive the package from me to actually wear the T-Shirt and Sunglasses so that he can take pictures and send it to the girl. Shreyas found a job and he had to move to Boston. So I was asked to mail the gift back to the guy. Since I heard the story I was completely against it. I refused to be involved in any of it and I told Shreyas that I am gonna send the package to him and he can do what ever he wants with it. I don’t know if the girl knows now that the guy cheated her and has been lying to her for months now. Well that’s not the point. The point is the girl knew this guy for 4 years in college during their bachelors. They were going out for 3 years. Yet the guy cheated her. This is not the first time that I have heard such a thing or seen such a thing. I have heard stories worse than this. But sometimes we trust someone so much (even with out ever meeting a person) despite what you see and what you hear in your daily life. Why? Hope!! March 24 I have a babyDo you want to know why I havent been bloging crap lately?
I have a baby at work and I am woking even on weekends to take care of it. thats why. March 18 My First Shot at some StuffMy First shot at Flying a plane .... check album 'Pilot Waseem'
My First Shot at GOLF
My first shot at Pacific Sunset - New port ... check album.
My First time in US with family (Almost)
My First Cruise in Pacific...
My First shot at american football
My Fist Shot at cleaning Moths
March 13 CHICAGO!!!Chicago!!! The fact is, I didn’t do much during my 5 days of captive training in Chicago last week. I liked Chicago downtown though. It wasn’t too crowded and it was easier to reach the top of Sears towers (sky deck). I timed the lift and it took us 1 min to reach the 103 floor. My grandpa and grandma are visiting with my aunt and uncle from Dubai and we are kind of going around seeing places. So I have a tight schedule and people just don’t understand that. I will post some pics soon. No body likes secrets and I am carrying one of them with me about someone. I could simply say it out and things will be alright but I will leave it to the person to figure it out by themselves. I don’t want to be involved coz it is too sensitive and may be she\he doesn’t want to believe in it. There are too many emotions involved. HAHA I like twisted talk… who ever might be reading this might be thinking that I am retarded and If he wants this to be as a secret why is he writing about it and mentioning it here. Well the fact is when ever she\he comes to realization I will have this blog as a proof to say ‘see I knew it long time back’. I can do it in other ways too but who cares I can do what I want. Right? Ok this entry so far is retarded. I don’t have much to write. February 28 The Month of FebNo, I am not dead. Let me start form Feb 14th valentine’s
day. It’s a very important day coz it’s my mom and dads wedding anniversary (in
fact this year it was their 25th). I tried few things on that day
but for some one it was light years far from being a good valentines day. Huh!!It
is never enough. Feb 24th was my brother’s birthday and yesterday
was my aunt’s and uncle’s wedding anniversary, also I got my drivers license
yesterday. Hmm lots of things happened in Feb. yeah I got a job too. So this
month has been an eventful month. I got to see Seattle
last weekend. I met Sreekar there and we saw space needle, market place, some
pubs and we blew up $600 in a casino playing black jack. Later in the night we
went to some fun places, if you know what I mean. I have to attend training in Chicago for a week from March 4th till March 9th. I am looking forward to it. It seems that people are upset that I didn’t inform that I got my first pay check. So here it is my public announcement. End of random events. Should a person be given a second chance upon learning few things from the life experiences? February 18 My life is not NormalMy Life is not normal, everyone says that coz everyone’s issues are unique (that is what everyone thinks but they are not). Weird things have started to happen lately, I have mentioned about virtual relationships and things about moving to Salem and no friends and stuff. But yesterday I traveled back in time for a little while. If it was not for someone helping me out over the phone I was long gone to spend few days over there lol. I know I haven’t been bloging lately. Guess why? I have a job now hehehe!!! I am back to listening to music, after a long time I could sit and listen to music peacefully. Today was a good day. I helped clean up the house, played music, went out for some shopping and back now listening to music. No worries at all. I met Farah yesterday. She is so cool, pretty and full of life. I did mention about her last year in one of my blog entries. Sundari, let the world know you have new car. Manoj, congratulation on the job. Naidu, all the best at Harley Davidson, cool man, Can you get me one of those machine for discounts? Sreekar, looking forward to meet you this weekend but I am not sure how things are gonna work out; we will see how it goes. “Woh tera naam tha” (No one knows when this movie came and went but I like the songs though) jiski jhankaar mein woh tera naam tha - 4 January 28 A day of Roller-CoastersSo I am sure every one might have felt turbulence while flying. Yeah, some thing of that sort but in real. I started my day as some one with out a job and probably with a good friend in life. 10.00 am I was getting ready for an interview 10.30 am Interview started 11.45 am Interview Finished, Offer made to me right there 12.00 am I was excited and was trying to get the word of mouth thing to work so that everyone knows that I have a job now. 02.00 pm A little correction in the job package was made, Started looking at other options 03.00 pm Applied to few more jobs, met someone who could help 04.00 pm Wanted to talk to a friend but hmmmm never available when needed. 05.00 pm Pissed of at someones behavior. 06.00 pm Applied to few more jobs, met someone who could help 08.00 pm Discussed about the position with others 09.00 pm Decided not to take the job 10.00 pm Wanted to talk to a friend, again not available. 11.00 pm Let the work of mouth again work for me to let people know that I have rejected the offer made. 11.30 pm Someone in my opinion moved from a good friend to a mean person. |
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